We need to know: are Ross and Rachel finally dating in real life?

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Sorry, are you going to refer to them exclusively by their characters’ names?

Yes.

Friends, the reunion: James Corden with Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Matthew Perry, Lisa Kudrow, David Schwimmer and Matt LeBlanc.

Friends, the reunion: James Corden with Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Matthew Perry, Lisa Kudrow, David Schwimmer and Matt LeBlanc. Credit:Warner Bros

Go on.

Like I was saying, during the reunion, Ross and Rachel told host James Corden they had a crush on one another during filming.

James Corden?

Everyone else was busy. Anyway, Ross said, “We were both crushing hard on each other, but it was like two ships passing. One of us was always in a relationship, and we never crossed that boundary.”

As if they didn’t.

And then Rachel replied, “I remember saying to David, ‘It’s going to be such a bummer if the first time you and I actually kiss is on national television.’”

Saucy.

Tell me about it. Then in June Rachel revisited the rumour during an appearance on the Howard Stern Show, telling the shock jock, “We never, on my life [got together]. I would proudly say I banged Schwimmer if that happened, but no.” All of this chatter got people champing at the bit for a real-life Ross and Rachel romance, and now here we are. Possibly.

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Possibly.

According to the source, all the tension at the reunion stirred something up inside the two stars.

“The chemistry they’d always had to bury was still there,” the source told Closer. “They began texting immediately after filming, and, just last month, David flew from his home in New York to see Jen in LA.”

Big deal, one Friend flies to see another Friend.

But that’s not all! This all-seeing, all-knowing source also claimed that the pair “were spotted drinking wine, deep in conversation, as they walked around one of Jen’s favourite vineyards in Santa Barbara, where it was clear there was lots of chemistry between them.”

Could be a platonic vineyard visit?

Please. Could you be any more gullible!?

OK, fine, maybe it is legit. Do they have partners?

Negative. Last we heard, Rachel was quietly dating a TV producer, but they split up for good earlier this year.

They weren’t just on a break?

Haha. Meanwhile, Ross married photographer Zoe Buckman in 2010, but they parted in 2017.

And have either party commented on this possibly real romance?

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Urgh, yes. Rachel’s representative Stephen Huvane told USA Today the claims are false, and Ross’s rep told The Sun in the UK there is “no truth” to the rumours.

So that settles it.

No, because that’s exactly what they want you to believe!

You sound like my crazy uncle.

How many denials did we have to sit through this year from Bennifer before they finally admitted they were back together via a gushing social media post? We live in the golden age of deny, deny, deny and then boom: Instagram official.

Why do you care about Ross and Rachel so much?

Because he’s her lobster. And because their relationship on Friends was iconic.

As far as I can tell, it seems pretty cut and dry. Any other fake TV relationships you’d like to tell me about?